Getting a Rise out of their Audience: THE SLUTCRACKER

This production is intended for a mature audience only (18+). It depicts (albeit with great humor and entertainment value) graphic sexual acts and adult material. The following review is written for the same audience; please proceed accordingly and stop reading if you believe you may be offended by nudity, sexual content, and/or anything that calls itself “The Slutcracker”.

Photo care of the Slutcracker facebook page.

Directed and adapted by Vanessa White
Music by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

November 30th – December 31st, 2013
Somerville Theatre
55 Davis Square
Somerville, MA
The Slutcracker on Facebook

(Somerville) Every year for the holiday season, the Babes in Boinkland take the good denizens of the Boston burlesque scene on a journey of fantastical fornication, sensational shtuping, and beautiful buggering.  This year, of course, is no exception.  If you appreciate the human form, are a fan of high ballet, and/or have a sense of humor about sexuality, why are you even questioning if you should see this show?  Go buy a ticket, and come, come, come to Somerville for a Christmas treat with more dick than Dickens.

In Vanessa White’s light-hearted treatment, Tchaikovsky’s ballet transforms into a veritable orgy of entertainment.  The same music you know and love is given new meaning as White’s twist on The Nutcracker story brings before your eyes prancing ponies (yes; that kind of ponies), tantalizing nymphs, and the most talented pole dancer I’ve ever seen.  The plot is familiar enough with a Boinkland twist: newly engaged Clara is horrified when her Aunt Drosselmeyer gifts her with a gigantic pink vibrating dildo at her holiday party.  Clara’s fiancé, Fritz, is threatened by the dildo and breaks it.  Luckily for Clara, the dildo repairs itself and transforms into the Slutcracker prince, battles Fritz as only Petipa can choreograph, and introduces Clara to the world of sexual deviancy.  Act two features act after act of burlesque performers dancing and executing sexy stunts as parody to The Nutcracker’s imperialistic world tour of solo and small group performances.

There were some truly standout dancers this year.  Davide Vittorino as the Slutcracker Prince really stole the show; his grace and strength shone in his solos and duets alike.  Unfortunately, his partner Ginger Slap as Clara couldn’t quite meet his level.  While she was certainly lovely and graceful, she seemed to have trouble in the pas de deux.  She fell off pointe several times in her duets and the quality of her movement often seemed jerky, unfinished, and under-rehearsed.

This may be due to the same inevitable opening-night hiccups which occasionally reared their annoying heads in other portions of the production.  In addition to Ginger Slap’s dancing flubs, the hoopers couldn’t seem to keep hold of their hoops.  I was personally assaulted with one as it flew from its dancers hand, off the stage, and into the first row of the audience during the show’s grand finale.

That being said, Prima Ballerina Sugar Dish’s (née Vanessa White) performance went a long way towards rescuing the show from its inevitable follies.  Her solos en pointe were spectacular (the woman stripped out of a full corset and tutu while maintaining perfect technique… I can, with some certainly, say that I will never hear “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” the same way again).

The set changes were executed with the greatest of flair.  I won’t tell you exactly how for fear of ruining your Slutcracker experience, but trust me; even the most convoluted of adjustments was made with grace, ease, humor, and without the entertainment coming to a grinding halt.

I was also very appreciative of the range of bodies on display in this show.  While there were certainly a fair number of slender Christmas fairies prancing about (male and female, by the way, all rocking four-inch glitter pumps, tutus, and pasties), the cast also had its share of Rubenesque performers.  All shapes and sizes were celebrated in this production – from the slender, to the athletic, to the curvaceous, to the statuesque.  There was equal opportunity given to all performers to show some skin, no matter shape or size.  In today’s world of airbrushed super models, it’s comforting to know that women of all body types still have a place in popular entertainment and that, if I choose to see a show like this, I can expect to see girls like me strutting their stuff and being fabulous rather than an endless parade of unattainable ideals and body-image damaging stereotypes.

If you’re at all interested in burlesque, women, dancing, Tchaikovsky, sexy men in gimp suits, glitter pumps, or twenty-foot candy striped dildos that spurt foam, get yourself to Davis and see some sluts.

Happy Humping Holidays everyone!

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